Chickens Feel Exploited Withhold Egg Production:
Chickens are withholding egg production in a show of solidarity against what the spokes-chicken says, is the unfair credit that the Easter Bunny receives on the commercial end of this Christian holiday.
The U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, **American Egg Board, **USAPEEC, was worried about the effect on the economy, not just the effects on the upcoming holiday festivities. Our hardest hit state will be Ohio, which is our top producer and here in Georgia, the number 10 producer of the top ten we have heard grumblings from Gov. Sonny Perdue’s administration worrying about shortfalls in the state coffers from lack of revenue. PAAS™ thoughts on the subject are dour indeed. Their spokes person said that if we can’t get those hens to stop their protest we could be bankrupt at the end of the month. You can’t dye plastic eggs with our product, our only hope would be that teenagers would stop using Kool-aid™ to dye their hair and switch to our product at extremely low prices! White House spokesman, Tony Snow, was contacted asking how the First Lady, Laura Bush, feels about the upcoming annual Easter Egg Roll on the White House Lawn. Mr. Snow, stated, “The First Lady is very concerned that the children and parents will be disappointed if a real egg is not used in this event due to the long held tradition. She also feels that replacing a real egg with a plastic egg cheapens the whole thing.”
Some children are unconcerned with the decision made by the chickens’:
A nine year-old, Rachel Taylor, from Georgia said in today’s interview, “Yeah! I mean who eats those dyed eggs anyway after they’ve been sitting in the hot sun and had bugs crawl on them. I prefer the plastic eggs because you can put chocolate or Starbursts™ in them. I even have my baby teeth in a plastic Easter egg!” Manufacturers of plastic eggs agree. Their sales are through the proverbial roof and they have increased production this week. The manufacturers are considering having the chickens start an ad campaign using their plastic egg products. This campaign would be similar to the Chick-Fil-A™ campaign, which employs cows to have people eat more chicken. When the spokes-chicken heard about this possible ad campaign she clucked her approval and laughed. She stated, “It would be nice to get some equal air time with those crazy cows!”
When asked where this revolutionary idea came to her the spokes-chicken said, “I was inspired when the farmer’s daughter came to feed us and she was listening to that new song by Beyonce Knowles called “Irreplaceable”. When she got to the chorus singing, “You must not know about me. I could get another you in a minute.” “It was so empowering! I was thinking why does the “Easter Bunny” get all the credit for the cute dyed eggs and the holiday effigy of him in your choices of milk, dark or rice crisped chocolate! Even the cartoons have such tales about an “Easter Beagle”. I know about this because the goat was watching television through the farmer’s window, while eating some washing off the line. The other hens clucked in approval and huddled closer together and began to chant and rock in unison singing, “You must not know about me.”
At the barnyard the situtation is tense where the animals have taken sides on this contentous issue. The pigs have chosen the rabbit’s side and the goats are behind the chickens. The local Easter Bunny Guild representative was on hand for comments in the barnyard. He stated that being an Easter Bunny was a noble and time honored position from, as far back as, the 1500s in Germany. “Our contract with these companies is honorable and not exploitive of the chickens at all. I mean aren’t they getting fed? Don’t they have a warm bed of straw to sleep on? What more do they want! This is a load of chicken$#!%” “You might want to say, ‘Hogwash’”, volunteered his friend the pig sitting next to him. A local pig was willing to speak to us in aninimoty to keep his, already tenuous, relationship amiable with the chickens. He stated, “I think this can be resolved quickly and fairly if the chickens were given a more promonite roll in the commercial end of things. They really are a bunch of nice peeps.”
The government has decided to send in its top negoitator in the morning. Many adults will remember him fondly and as a bit quirky. He has been in several films, a successful television show, and had his own chicken act. He is none other than, The Great Gonzo.
We can only watch and wait.
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Apple Computer’s and Pixar’s co-founder, Steve Jobs announced his newest venture today, PEAR. The Moscone Center in San Francisco, Calif. was filled to capacity with women being the clear majority. The atmosphere in the room was electric and there was a hint of “Juicy Peach” tart fragrance wafting through the air as Jobs took the stage. Jobs spoke of the earlier success of Apple products and as soon as he mentioned the Mac the crowd clapped loudly and hooted and hollered showing their affection and approval of the design quality of the Mac.
Pear is designed for the world of digital scrapbooking. The billion dollar paper scrapbooking industry has garnered attention from all corners, and now the sun is shining on the burgeoning digital industry. The new Pear will allow digital scrappers to easily locate the different “Papers” and “Elements” they use to create their layouts digitally.
The software will allow for creating text on a path, advanced and customizable paint tools palette and drawing brushes. The Pear user will also be able to upload photos, create photo books, download songs, create slideshows, calendars, podcasts and music videos. The woman in the crowd got very excited when Jobs explained that the package included exclusive “Blinkie” making software. There will also be an instant messaging system. The crowd was sent into peals of laughter when job presented a large variety of new “smilies” created just for the new software.
The news of the Pear will, no doubt, spread quickly to the entire digital scrapbooking community thanks to the internet. Due to the Law of Unintended Consequences the unofficial tagline is: Haven’t you always wanted to have a nice Pear?!?
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Lilburn GA. Mother of 4 reluctantly admits that her 6-year old son really does know everything.
Noah Taylor, a first grader at Camp Creek Elementary, was brought to the attention of International researchers after a series of cognitive tests including the Stanine (Standard Nine). He also received a perfect score on the CRCT. His teachers were astounded and immediately contacted his mother who though amazed at Noah’s test scores was quick to quip, “Yeah, he thinks he knows everything.” After more discussion his mother allowed for further testing, which was conducted at the Child Study Center at Emory University.
Scientists from Germany, Switzerland, Japan and France flew to Georgia to review data and do personal interviews with Noah. Members of the NIA (National Institute on Aging) have also been working with Noah hoping for a break through with such pressing issues as Alzheimer’s disease.
Noah’s vocabulary is littered with such words as “actually, perhaps, and technically”. Many of the interviews were administered while the little boy was putting together a robot from various discarded parts in his grandfather’s garage.
After weeks of testing and interviews with the local first grader his mother had to admit her son did, in fact, know everything.
Additional Credits: Glitter Pear a freebie by Gina Cabrera, Currant from the internet, Font: Century
Scrapbookgraphics Products Used: From Studio Sausan: Sing Spring kit and Happy Easter Stickers This was in response to a funny idea by Sylvie Wagner of Sausan Designs at Scrapbookgraphics. I had fun thinking up the articles. Michael gave me the great prompt for Noah's article.
Enjoy a bit of silliness today!
