This was a very good read! Dr. Ekman uses decades of research, personal experiences and common sense to discuss the common trait of lying. His stepson, Tom, has the best line in the book, "Face it. Your kids are going to lie to you until one of you dies."
Kids (and adults) are more likely to tell a lie if they perceive they will be punished, the respect for the target is low or the lie has been authorized. There are also those who like to dupe others that they view as gullible and get delight in doing so. Dr. Ekman cautions parents strongly on telling white lies that they perceive as harmless, but kids recognize as just plain lies. I am guilty of putting off telemarketers by telling them that "Victoria's not home." I see how my avoidance of the annoying callers is a lie, so I have repented and will simply be saying, "No, not interested", then hanging up the phone.
Ekman stresses the need to explain to the child the reason the lie is harmful, not only to the level of trust, but, possibly, to physical health. Children who have higher I.Q.s are equally likely to cheat as any other child if the opportunity, pressure and other factors are conducive.
He brings out the concept of The Halos/Horns Effect. The phrase refers to prior knowledge you have of a person effects if you think they are likely to have other good or bad traits. We are dealing with this in our son's Sunday school class. The teacher informed our son, in front of the class, that the reason she was in the class was because he is a behavior problem. This is likely true, but she handled the situation completely inappropriately. She also has formed friendships with the young girls in the class and they can do no wrong. While we see and hear them belittling and acting in a condescending manner to our son. He is also dealing with a child who has anger management problems (a family trait) and has thrown chairs and tossed our son's glasses down the hall. Michael is going to sit in on the next few classes because I am doing something at the same class time. It is probably best that Michael mediates the situation first because I turn red as a lobster and my face shows my intense displeasure.
Try to focus on the cause of the lie, don't yell, don't withdraw affection, assign a punishment that fits the crime, don't tell lies of any kind. If the kids don't need to know certain information tell them that is why you are not disclosing the information, but don't lie. I will close with some advice from Tom Ekman, "But if you create more situations where your child feels less compelled to lie and can tell the truth, then you can make a big difference as to how much your child will lie."
Great book!
::::::::::::::::Pomegranate 7up Revisited::::::::
Michael really likes the new Pomegranate drink. He told me the flavor was "festive"! So, just wanted to add his review.
:::::::::::::::::Thanksgiving Holidays:::::::
I need to make cupcakes for Eve's class and baklava for my dad and Alice's dinner. Aaron is reading for the Thanksgiving Feast at Eve's pre-k. Noah is doing the play "Stone Soup" with his second grade class. Aaron and I will be dissecting a chicken wing for science. Life is full and ever interesting!
Smiles!
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